If Sokka Were Married to Azula
by Chibi Horsewoman
Summary: Updated after nearly a year long hiatus! The full title is If Sokka Were Married to Azula, Various Shipping Drabbles there's a full summary inside but please don't read this unless you can take a joke. Because flamers will be teased! AU OOC
1. If Sokka Were Married to Azula

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if certain members of Avatar got together? Me too, this is why I decided to write this story. It's all for fun and humor. So if you don't have a sense of humor please don't read this because I will be making fun of every pairing imaginable! AU, possibly OOC.**

**Disclaimer: Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready to be institutionalized yet- Mae West**

**Dedication: Any shipper who can take a good joke.**

**Chapter One: If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

If Sokka were married to Azula, it would be a study in insanity. Really I think that people from all three remaining nations would get together and try to observe this couple in their many habitats. Their personalities would clash so often that every week Azula would have to take money out of the royal treasury to pay off their neighbors' home repairs then they'd have to pack up and leave.

Think of it, Sokka has described himself as a 'meat and sarcasm guy' and Azula… well Azula is a sociopath. This would be a bad idea from the get go, they'd kill eachother sooner or later. And I bet that getting married wasn't even their idea. I bet that they were in the middle of a battle and someone, probably Ty Lee, decided to play an impromptu game of Truth or Dare and Azula chose dare and Ty Lee said I dare you to marry Sokka. Yes I bet that's exactly how it happened.

But what about Suki? You know, that female warrior from Kyoshi Island? What would she do? Or for that matter Zuko and Ozai. And while I'm thinking of it, what would Katara do when she found out? I can't imagine anyone else would be related. If I was Zuko or Ozai I'd blame… Sokka. But hey if I was either Katara or Suki I'd blame… well I'd blame Sokka.

Hey, I just realized that since Azula is a princess that would make Sokka a prince! The prince of the Fire Nation no less! Oh the irony. The guy who Zuko called a peasant from the Southern Water Tribe with _no bending skills what so ever_ is now in line to be the next Fire Lord _and_ Zuko's brother-in-law. Fire Lord Sokka… yeah. Sokka in charge of the Fire Nation and he's not a bender. Who wants to make a friendly wager that Sokka is just going to be a figure head… that is if Ozai doesn't kill his son-in-law first.

Seeing that Sokka is not exactly the most romantic type I shudder to think of what he'd get Azula for her birthday or for their anniversary. He'd probably try for a moonlit ride on Appa, but Appa would remember that Azula is the one who tried to attack him so he'd toss Azula on the ground. Sokka would probably give Azula his very first boomerang and one of his drawings of Appa to make up for it.

So if Azula and Sokka get married they'd probably decide to have a kid, but what are they going to name it? Actually first are they going to have a boy or a girl? Wait… no forget I asked that question, Azula would _obviously_ be the leader of the relationship so they'd have a girl. And Azula would name her. She'd probably give her daughter a name that imitates her paternal grandfather and being that she's not exactly the creative sort- New Ozai anyone- their daughter would be named Ozaila. Yes, Ozaila, get used to this name it _will_ come back.

Yes, I can see it all now, Azula out rampaging the world and Sokka at home with Ozaila, packing lunches, cleaning the castle and doing other menial tasks. And when Azula comes home to unwind Sokka will start complaining about how she doesn't seem to have time for him anymore, and how Ozaila has started to set fires at pre school. Azula would be pissed and fire bend at Sokka. Since it's Azula she'd probably throw in some lightening and they'd have to move again.

So in conclusion if Sokka were married to Azula it would not be a good thing for anyone involved.

_**The Beginning**_

**This was so random, but I hope everyone enjoyed it. If you liked it, please review and give me ideas for other pairings to spoof.**


	2. If Kanna Had Married Pakku

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Disclaimer: I read some where that married women live longer than single women. I'm not sure if I believe that they really _live_ longer. But I do believe it may _seem_ like they do.**

**Dedication: Any shipper who can take a good joke and thepennameboo who requested this pairing.**

**Chapter Two: If Kanna (Gran-Gran) Had Married Pakku**

If Kanna were married to Master Pakku, I'd imagine things could get a little interesting. Especially since they were supposed to be married years ago, but Kanna decided she'd rather live in the South pole than be married to Pakku so that's exactly what she did. Kind of makes you wonder what kind of gut Pakku was when he was younger and what would have happened if Kanna had actually gone through with the marriage in the first place.

First of all you have to wonder why Pakku wanted to marry Kanna so badly. Maybe he was obsessed with her or something, that _has_ to be it. Maybe he was so obsessed with Kanna that she felt she had to run away to the South Pole. Or maybe he just had horrid hygiene habits and Kanna was grossed out by that. Actually I like that idea better.

So you've got a stinky sexist old man and a woman who didn't want to marry him anyway, but did it for the sake of keeping a promise. I foresee a lot of fighting going on. They would fight about everything and their fights would go something like this; Kanna would get home from a hard day at work or she'd have been home all day working while Pakku was off training waterbenders and he'd come home and start complaining. So Kanna would tell him to stuff it and eat then take out the trash. And he'd be like you take out the trash woman. They'd yell then finally Pakku would use his waterbending to take the trash out, but in the process the trashcan would tip over and fall all over the lawn.

The trash on the lawn would spark a new argument and there would soon be water everywhere and Kanna would be shouting at Pakku to stop waterbending or he'd sleep on the couch. Of course he wouldn't stop so he'd sleep on the couch which would lead to more yelling and no one living near them would get any sleep.

So in conclusion it's a very good thing that Kanna ran off to the South Pole and started a family there instead. Not only for her, but for the well being of the entire North Pole.

**_At least it wasn't fire? _**

**Well, that was shorter than the first chapter, but I thought this was the right place to end it. Thank you everyone for your reviews. Please keep them coming along with suggestions of what pairing to make fun of next. Canon or non canon as long as people reading this can take a joke**.


	3. If Aang Were Married to Azula

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Disclaimer: Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.- Unknown**

**Dedication: Any shipper who can take a good joke and XOtotheloveXO who said this was the funniest Avatar story she's ever read and requested this pairing.**

**Chapter Three: If Aang Were Married to Azula**

If Aang were married to Azula, the world would come to a screeching halt and people would collapse from the sight. But besides that I'm sure it would be extremely uneventful. R_i_ght… the psychopathic Fire Nation Princess and the Avatar being married would be one big fire show every night! You know it, and I know it. But even so, let's just see what would happen.

First of all how exactly did poor, sweet innocent Aang end up with Azula? Maybe they figured that opposites attract? Or maybe it was love at first sight? No, this is Azula we're talking about. It had to be something more sinister, like one of those dating shows like a knock off of 'Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?' or 'The Bachelor'. Personally I'm thinking it was a Bachelor knock off and Aang went on that show as the guy to get married to then Azula found out and destroyed the competition. So that's how they were married. Because Azula won the dating show by default.

After this couple gets married on national television (1) the real fun will start. For example Aang will have to meet his new father-in-law the Fire Lord. This can't end well because the guy wants him dead… but now Ozai's favorite child has married the Avatar and well I don't imagine he can really do anything. Well aside from make really drunken speeches at the wedding and embarrass the crap out of everyone, but enough about past experiences let's get to the rest of the marriage.

For starters let's get to the kid thing again. We know from back in chapter one that Azula will most definitely have a daughter with whoever she gets married to and name her Ozaila because she has a daddy obsession and a complete lack of originality. But what exactly would that kid look like? Would she have amber eyes and black hair like her mom? Would she have brown eyes like her dad? Wait… who am I kidding? This is Azula's kid she'll look like Azula. But since Azula is off rampaging things and attacking people Aang will be left to raise his daughter. This is actually a good thing because Ozaila is an Airbender and she'll learn to act like an Airbender and behave like Aang. Which will piss Azula off to no end. Oh well.

I would imagine that since Aang likes animals so much this couple would get a pet for little Ozaila to play with. But what would it be and what would they call it? After all with all the different animals in their world it could take some time, but let's make it easier shall we? Aang will get Ozaila a dog. But now for the naming, what will they call it? How about Jong Wei? Or Pai Joh? Or maybe Ozaila's Dog… eh let's say that Ozaila has her mother's creativity and that's what she names the dog. And when Ozaila's Dog dies she'll get a new one and name it _New_ Ozaila's Dog.

I can see it now with the neighbors all talking about this happy family. The crazy father, the crazier mother and the daughter who just named her newest puppy New, New Ozaila's Dog. Hey it doesn't get old!

**_I'd like to buy a vowel?_ **

**Read review and make suggestions. Oh and If Zuko was married to Jun is next!**

**1.) Yes, I know they don't have television or game shows in the Avatarverse, but this is AU so I get to make some stuff up.**


	4. If Zuko Were Married to Jun

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Disclaimer: He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."- Unknown**

**Dedication: Any shipper who can take a good joke and Hummingbird who suggested this pairing.**

**Chapter Four: If Zuko Were Married to Jun**

If Zuko were married to Jun, I'd foresee a lot of violence in that household. But I could be wrong. Maybe they'd suck it up and grow to love eachother even though Jun trashed Zuko's ship and insulted him. Yeah and maybe Azula will find enlightenment and get her father to stop the war. They'd probably fight a _lot_ about _everything_ and drive _everyone_ crazy. But then again maybe they'd put the whole wrecked ship thing aside and learn to love eachother. But I really don't think my optimism is going to fly here.

What would those fights be about anyway? You know after they exhausted the whole ship thing? Zuko would probably start to fight with Jun about the food bills for that shirshu of hers because that thing has got to go through a few bags of shirshu chow (1) a day and that can't be cheap. Then he'd continue to rage on about how 'that animal freak' destroyed his sword collection and possibly ate New to the Third Power Ozaila's Dog. Jun would probably say that Azula firebended the dog because she's a psycho.

Now we know that Jun's accusations are probably true, but Zuko would be so angry he'd start firebending on Jun not even considering the fact that she _had_ insulted Azula. The shirshu- who for this story we'll call Chien Po (2)- would burst into the house, stun Zuko and take Jun away. Jun would file for divorce sighting irreconcilable differences and demand half of Zuko's money. This whole thing would have to be established in court and take a few years because Jun always has to run off with Chien Po to do some bounty hunting. Which of course Zuko will demand half of.

Looking over this whole chapter I think it's a good thing that Jun and Zuko never got married and it's an excellent thing that she never appeared in more than one episode. Because who knows what would have happened then.

**_All's well that pretends well_ **

**Comments, suggestions, or offers of free therapy? Just click the bluish periwinkle button.**

**1.) AU work with me people. I don't know what those things eat anyway**

**2.) One of the characters from Disney's Mulan. Wasn't he the fat calm guy?**


	5. If Uncle Iroh Were Married to Aunt Wu

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Disclaimer: I watched a special once on women who watched their wedding videos over and over. That's all well and good, but don't the people in the video get tired after a while?**

**Dedication: My wonderful reviewers who like this collection of drabbles even if I _am_ spoofing their ships. **

**Chapter Five: If Uncle Iroh Were Married to Aunt Wu**

If Uncle Iroh were married to Aunt Wu, I'd imagine that it would be a relationship filled with tea drinking and arguments. Not violent arguments mind you, but arguments none the less. Probably about tea now that I think of it.

Iroh would probably be sitting at the kitchen table drinking his tea and reading the paper and Wu would come in and take his cup right before he was about to fill it and try to read the tea leaves. Iroh would get upset because he really wanted more tea and he wasn't quite done with that cup, but he'd get up and get another cup of tea- which of course Wu would take away and read the tea leaves again. Yeah, I'm sure you can see where this is leading.

Since Wu is reading Iroh's tea leaves she'll keep asking him if he wants his fortune told. Iroh will keep telling her that at his age there is only one mystery left and he wants to keep it a secret. Then he'll order her to stop reading his tea leaves, that probably won't happen until Iroh threatens to firebend something and demonstrates why he was called the 'Dragon of the West'. I bet Aunt Wu never predicted that!

Hey since Iroh and Aunt Wu are married where are they going to live? Probably not the Fire Nation since Iroh is a hunted man now, but would an Earth Kingdom town really be ideal for Iroh? Wouldn't the inhabitants hate Iroh since he's Fire Nation and _did _lead multiple attacks on their country?

Maybe Wu could fix that for him if they were living in her village since she pretty much runs the place. She could tell the villagers that there was going to be a thunderstorm or that the volcano was going to erupt again but a firebender would save them? And that the firebender who would save them would be Iroh so Iroh could not only live in that village, but he could also firebend because the villagers would remember that he was sent to save them according to Aunt Wu. And maybe since Iroh is allowed to firebend freely he'd allow Aunt Wu to read his tea leaves and they wouldn't fight as much…. Until she takes his tea cup again.

In conclusion this would be a very sweet old couple and there wouldn't be as much stuff happening because they're both laid back people… until there's tea involved.

_**Any questions?**_

**Sorry for the wait, but my creativity is going slowly. I think I may try to do Zuko and Mai next though. Suggestions and reviews greatly appreciated.**


	6. If Zuko Were Married to Mai

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Disclaimer: Whenever I go out with a guy I wonder is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?**

**Dedication: My wonderful reviewers who like this collection of drabbles even if I _am_ spoofing their ships. **

**Chapter Six: If Zuko Were Married to Mai**

If Zuko were married to Mai, there's a good chance that the Avatar world may have to invent anti-depressants if they haven't already done so. There'd be a lot of sighing and moping and I'm guessing at least one of them will develop a co-dependency on Prozac. Also I shudder to think of all the therapy bills with sessions starting with: It all started when my father told me I was lucky to be born (Zuko) or I really think it all started when my parents forced me to move to Omashu (Mai)

But maybe I'm wrong and they'd be so madly in love that every time they went to visit Azula and which ever poor sap she ended up forcing into unholy matrimony, she'd try to hang herself. Hey, we can hope, right? I mean about the Azula hanging herself, because I know quite a few Zuko fans wouldn't be happy about Zuko marrying _anyone_.

I can see it all now Zuko and Mai married for like two or three years both moping in their separate corners of the palace thinking about where they may have gone wrong and probably blaming eachother or Azula (Actually I can see this one happening more than blaming one another) for their circumstances.

With all the blaming, and moping, and the therapy I wonder if they'd get any house work done. For that matter, who would do the house work? I really can't see Zuko stooping to wash dishes or clean the floor. But Mai might consent to wash a dish or two. I wonder if she'd have to change her clothes because I can just see those long sleeves of hers drooping into the sink full of dirty water then dripping it all over the floor that Zuko just decided to mop! Yeah that would be bad. In fact it would probably lead to another fight and more moping and bitching about being bored.

Okay so now that we've established that this would not be a happy marriage I believe we should examine exactly how Zuko and Mai came to be married in the first place. Because even though Mai has this massive crush on Zuko I'm sure that it wasn't their idea to get married. No it was probably one of those matchmaker things and Zuko didn't have a say in it. Neither of them had a say in it, but both parties who arranged it were hoping that some day those two would learn to love one another.

I can see them years and years from now both sitting in rocking chairs staring off into the sunset…. Wishing eachother dead, hating Azula, rejoicing in the fact that the matchmaker who had set them together had finally died and knitting afghans. (Because all elderly people complain about being cold) Yes, they may not be doing all of that in sync or at the same time, but they'd be thinking it. And they'd probably still be together.

_**The end. **_

**Hey everyone thanks for waiting. I think next I'll do if the Cabbage man were married to the angry ferry ticket lady. Suggestions for names and pairings are still welcome.**


	7. If Zuko Were Married to Ty Lee

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Disclaimer: Blind dates are all the joys of regular dating with the assault of a surprise party thrown in. Except both people are tipped off to the surprise and are still expected to feign enjoyment.**

**Note: Hey, yes I know I was going to do the cabbage man and the angry ticket lady. But a friend of mine and I were having an IM the other night and it just inspired me.**

**Dedication: Angel, who inspired me after this fanfic was dormant for a few months. This is her _early_ birthday present. **

**Chapter Seven: If Zuko Were Married to Ty Lee**

If Zuko were married to Ty Lee I foresee a lot of migraines and days in a padded room because Ty Lee is just too high strung and Zuko tends to want to mope in peace. But maybe they'd get past all that and learn to love eachother. But more likely than not they'd have to kick back a few cold ones in hopes that they'd become drunk enough to tolerate eachother's company. Personally I think that last option is the most likely. I can't see Zuko getting past much.

Now with a couple like Ty Lee and Zuko you have to wonder how these two got together. Maybe they spotted eachother across a crowded room and their eyes met and they fell in love instantly. _Or_ they were at a party in Las Vegas and they both got really drunk and found an all night wedding chapel and got married. Again, I'm going with option two. It just seems more plausible and a hell of a lot less cliché.

So, Zuko and Ty Lee are married now where are they going to live? An even bigger question could be, would Ty Lee have to re-join the circus to bring in some cash flow. Well, here's what I think, since Zuko is banished and in a drunken stupor married his sociopathic younger sister's friend I can't see them being able to live in the Fire Nation without being caught at least not without a clever disguise. So of course, Ty Lee would _have_ to rejoin the circus and Zuko would have to perform. Maybe he could learn to be a fire eater or something. I don't know if he'd be too happy about it, but hey at least he'll be alive.

Now since Ty Lee is married to Zuko and Zuko is a prince (albeit a _very_ banished prince) wouldn't that make Ty Lee a princess? And since Zuko is prince of the Fire Nation wouldn't that make Ty Lee _princess_ of the Fire Nation? Hell now that I think about it that would make Ty Lee third in line to the throne! Oh crap I bet Azula wouldn't be too happy about that. In fact I bet she'd be quite livid. She may even put a hit out on Ty Lee and Zuko.

Yes, I can see it all now. Ty Lee and Zuko traveling under the cover of the circus from town to town. Hiding their identities from everyone, wearing heavy stage make up, and becoming extremely stressed out. Some how I see a very quick and painless divorce in that future.

**_My knight in shining armor turned into a jerk in tinfoil_**

**I finally updated something! Help me celebrate by reading and reviewing.**


	8. If Toph Were Married to Zuko

**If Sokka Were Married to Azula**

**Various shipping drabbles**

**Note: Okay I lost my stuff for the cabbage man/ ticket lady chapter. And I know that the finale has already aired in the US and it's been almost a year since my update, but thanks for waiting. And I still have more pairings to spoof. Also there are some spoilers in this chapter that have to do with the Sozin's Comet finale. So if you haven't seen that yet, maybe you should skip this.**

**Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if certain members of Avatar got together? Me too, this is why I decided to write this story. It's all for fun and humor. So if you don't have a sense of humor please don't read this because I will be making fun of every pairing imaginable! AU, possibly OOC.**

**Disclaimer: Health- What my friends are always drinking to before they pass out**

**Dedication: Any shipper who can take a good joke. And everyone who waited over a year for me to update.**

**Chapter Eight: If Toph Were Married to Zuko**

If Toph were married to Zuko, I don't know who would be more shocked. No really. There are a lot of people who would be shocked because no one would ever expect those two to get together. But maybe after everyone was done catching flies, they'd all get over it. Or maybe not.

I really wonder how everyone would react to this occurrence. Let's start with Toph's family.

If I were Toph's mom, I would be in extreme denial. Then maybe I would come to terms with it since my daughter did marry up. However if I were Toph's dad, I'd blame the Avatar then seethe with anger since I couldn't do anything about it.

As for Zuko's family well Ursa is MIA and his father and sister aren't exactly in a position to say much of anything. Iroh would probably just be slightly shocked, but since he likes Toph, I doubt he'd be upset. Shocked yes, but not upset.

But what about Mai? I mean Mai and Zuko were dating and they've known each other since they were children. Wouldn't Mai be upset? What would she do? Would she get really upset and start throwing sharp objects at Toph and Zuko? Would she get totally depressed and go into therapy over being dumped for a blind Earthbender? Would she take it out on her parents? Would she ask her mom for relationship advice? Personally I'd go for the second choice.

So, now you have two angry parents and one ex-girlfriend in therapy who probably also blames Aang. But now you have to wonder how did those two get together. Which is a good question, I'm glad you brought that up. It's Sokka's fault. I don't know how, but it is.

Okay so now you know the reactions and you know how it happened, but how would their relationship pan out in the end? Well I can picture that now. Toph would take advantage of the fact that she never got a very good soul searching field trip with Zuko and start telling Zuko about how she kept running away from her parents when she was little and how she wished she could have gotten their love instead of everything else. And how they never understood her.

Zuko would try to say something smart, like maybe she should tell her parents how she feels. But then they'd remember that neither of Toph's parents were speaking to her because she was married to Zuko now. And so Toph would get mad and remember how she'd never quite gotten back at Zuko for burning her feet- even if it was by accident. So then a bending war would start up.

All in all it would be a very intense marriage that would result in serious injuries from time to time, but no deaths.

**_Marriage for Dummies. When is that book coming out?_**

**Well everyone, thanks for waiting. Feel free to read and review. I think I'm going to do Katara and Zuko next. Then maybe find someone else besides Zuko to pick on.**


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